Skip to main content

Ah November. You have returned.

I woke up this morning with a dullness in my heart that I normally don't have in the morning.
On my mornings allocated to sleep in I resemble a sloth blissfully unaware of life in a cocoon, but on a normal morning I wake up with a bit of a bounce. I start my day with a bit of shower time karaoke. I dance around the bedroom as I get dressed for the day. I have a great time. ( Jeez, as I write this I suddenly appreciate Stuart's morning patience a little bit more! Ha!)  Anyway, the point being, despite a very early bed time last night I woke up a wee bit deflated.
Image may contain: Louise O'Dwyer, sitting, child and indoor
Then I remembered  that my old nemesis November has returned.
I did a quick calculation. Marguerite would be 32 next week.
32! Being 32 was one of my favourite times.
Another quick calculation, Marguerite will be gone 15 years this month. 15 years. 2 more years and she will be gone as long as she was with us.
Every November is a little bit easier than the last. Of course it is. Time is a wonderful healer.
But every calculation morning is horrible.
It is not that I don't think about Marguerite through out the year. I do.
Just, as a wee thought at the back of my head.
When we got engaged I missed her.
I had a good cry at that time.
To be fair, I had also found out that I had Advanced Chronic Kidney Disease at that time too and crying was something that was coming to me a little more easily than usual but I didImage may contain: 2 people, including Louise O'Dwyer, people smiling, beard and close-up, I cried.
I cried when I chose my bridesmaids.
I have the best bunch of ladies to help me out with the day.
Genuinely the best.
Most of them I see as a sister rather than a friend.
I couldn't help but think of Mags.
We had 3 weddings in the last two months.
For two of them, the brides had their sisters as maid of honour.
These things don't upset me. But I do notice.
I do have a wee pang of jealousy.
And then I feel horrible for  it.
Marguerite has been gone for 15 years.
Surely these little pangs or moments should start to wind down.
But they don't.
It is November, when she comes to the fore of my mind.
I over think. I think about her.
I will miss her a lot over the next four weeks.

I just realised that I never published what I wrote about our engagement!

We were at home, in our comfy clothes. Stuart had unknowingly toothpaste on his face.
It was perfect.
I am currently trying to convince him that we would be wonderful as the O'Watkins…. he is not playing ball with that one...
The wedding is planned for 2021 and I am so utterly excited.

No photo description available.


Popular posts from this blog

Thankfuls 31/05/2019

Not many people are aware of it, but I had a bit of a health scare last week. I went for a regular 15 minute check up with my GP and spent the following 5 days in hospital going through every test imaginable to man. I am still in the middle of tests but the prognosis is so far positive and I have been allowed home for rest which is fabulous, but good god did I get a fright. And if I am honest I'm not sure Stuart is quite right after it all either!

I have been joking how I would love a good old MOT (NCT for the Irish amongst us), for a while now. They say mocking is catching, and I have fairly gone through the MOT process this last week. Oh boy has it been a fast week! In that time I have had more blood taken than was shed in the Game of Thrones. My hand is so bruised it looks like I have my first tan! I have seen my pancreas, liver, kidneys and an ovary (very cool scan if I say so myself!), I have had my pee collected in little buckets/bottles for 24hrs, and I have pretty much eith…

Missing Marguerite. 14 years later.

On this day, 14 years ago, the world lost a little bit of its magic, when at 11pm, my little sister took her final breath and life changed as we all knew it. She was only 17 years old. 17 years and 19 days to be exact. As I sat here today reading all the lovely messages written about her, my heart soared with pride in the fact that in her short time with us, she managed to have such a big impact on so many people. Marguerite Mary O'Dwyer, an ambassador for mischief, mockery and for having a marvellous time. I miss her so much.

It is funny how every year there is something different that I focus on for the anniversary. I never choose my train of thought, I think the year since the last anniversary chooses it for me. Last night, I got fairly plastered on wine and when my other half went to his bed, I sat and sang along to every sad song I could think of. I had a wee chat with Mags before I went to bed and woke up this morning well rested and ready to seize the day. 
I got quite sad a…