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Life of Lu: Thankfuls 29/10/17

Image result for some memories are best forgotten quotesI had a moment yesterday.
I cried.
The tears were unfortunate and a manifestation of forgotten memories and regurgitated feelings from years gone by.
The foundation of those tears were this blog, and the content of this blog.
I sometimes forget that there is a little part of the internet that holds my feelings, my deepest darkest moments and my anxieties, as well as my triumphs, delights and fond memories.
The blog was read, and it's contents had the potential to spoil a very important relationship in my life.
I got upset.
As I said, I cried.
For the first time in many years, I remembered the many people who turned their backs on me not because of anything I had done but because of situations in which I was merely an affected bystander. 
The mind is a wonderful thing in that it can hide these moments from memory. It is also a cruel master who can cut you with these moments when you are at your most vulnerable. At this time of the year I am at my most vulnerable. In reality I will probably be for the remainder of my life. Joy oh joy. November you suck.
For the first time in a long time I regretted this blasted thing.
I thought about giving it up, deleting its contents and hoping that folk would forget that the life of Lu ever existed.
What a ridiculous thought!
How can you regret something which has brought countless days of comfort over the years?
Why destroy my story, my journey, because of some coarse, best forgotten memories that had lazily resurfaced?
So I decided that I had to take control of the situation that was making me sad.
I had to take control of the situation that was causing the bad memories to well up.
I decided that I had to remember some of the things that make me thankful.

1. Claire. So, I kind of messed up my last blog and foolishly implied that Claire turns 30 in November. She did not. She turned 30 in October. I felt rather ridiculous but being the big hearted dote that she is, she forgave my silliness. Claire and I had a chat about my blog today, and I honestly think she is my no.1 blog supporter! She put a lot of things in perspective and she always inspires me to continue on my own personal journey. She reminds me that I just need to do what is right for me and the rest will all fall in to place. We are having a wee evening out in two weeks and I am so excited to see her and her boys. I adore her completely.

2.  My job. Like every other job in the world it has its ups and its downs. Currently the ups are far higher than the downs and I feel like I can get my teeth stuck in to things again. I have a great team... scoundrels and scallywags aplenty, but they are a great bunch. The world of retail is at times a fickle place but I hope to be with my team for another couple of years as we have a wonderful journey ahead of us. I look forward to going into work and seeing where my day takes me!

3. Foy Vance. I am going to see him tomorrow with my  musical guru in Glasgow. I CAN'T WAIT! His music reaches into my soul and along the way tugs at my heart strings. This will be my 3rd time seeing him in the last 12 months and I am stupidly excited!

4. Stuart. This is a name that I hope you read and hear a lot more of as time goes on. We have been dating for a wee while now, and I am so content. He is simply wonderful and I look forward the time that we spend together. I am not going to sit here and gush but he is pretty fricking special and I am so excited to see what lies ahead for us both.

5. Halloween. Seriously, is there a better time of the year? I was out last night with Stu and his friends for Halloween. People in general are  so much better craic at Halloween... small chat happens naturally as you guess costumes or play with peoples light sabres (literally). Everyone wants to enjoy the opportunity to dress up in fancy dress. I love nothing more than being able to do the Time Warp in a night club followed by a fabulous (if I say so myself) rendition of Sweet Transvestite from Rocky Horror without any judgement from fellow revellers. Halloween might actually be my favourite event of the year! Don't even get me started on the joy that is 'The Monster Mash'....

I guess the conclusion of this post is a positive one.
We all have cobwebs in the closet, some of which we are so accustomed to we don't even notice them any more. My journey has been rocky, it has been arduous and it has been lonely in parts but I feel as though I am very close to my destination. My past is my past, I plan to leave it there and enjoy my present without any regrets. Most importantly I plan to dream of the future where my past is but a distant memory.

Have a great week folks!

Love, Lu xx


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