I realised something the other day.
That is not nearly specific enough or dramatic enough for this story.
Let me start again...
I think Scotland and I are starting to go our separate ways (and I am not talking about Brexit)
I was in Glasgow a few weeks ago, and I went on a tourist bus tour.
I actually went on it twice, and I loved it.
I got to see all the attractions I have wanted to see over the years:
The Cathedral, the Necropolis, The Transport Museum, The People's Palace.
It was very similar to something I did just before I left Edinburgh, my own little way of saying goodbye. When I got on the train home, I realised that in my own wee way, I was saying goodbye to Glasgow. Other than a course there on the 11th of May, I have no idea when I am going to be there next.
I have no gigs booked, my upcoming flights to Ireland are all from Edinburgh.
I feel rather sad that my attachment to Glasgow has severed. In my head it was where I would eventually call home. Now, I am not so certain.
This does not mean that I have resigned myself to a life in Aberdeen. Far from it.
I have started doing the same to Aberdeen.
I have a list of things to do in the city, and over my past few days off I have been ticking things off that list.
It is like I am subconsciously doing by Scotland bucket list.
I have always said that if I were to leave Scotland, I would take a wee holiday first and go see Oban, Skye, Loch Lomond etc... (Imagine, I have never been to Loch Lomond!)
I have already started working in when I can go to these places. The sooner I get myself on the road the better.
I spoke to Claire about this turn of events.
As always, she had some wise words to say.
She feels that I have always had this ridiculous notion that the best version of Louise was the version who lived in Glasgow. As I have been kept away, I have been forced to just appreciate who I am, wherever I am as the best version of Louise. Does that make sense? It did in my head, and it did when Claire said it to me but I am not so sure that I have translated it into words correctly.
I think she is right.
I spoke to my adopted big brother Paul about it.
He reckons that I have already made up my mind.
That I have already decided that it is time to leave.
Maybe he is right. He does know me rather well.
A year ago today, I started all over again.
In the past year, I have made some amazing friends, I have dated more in the last year than I have in the three years before. I have rebuilt my confidence in the workplace. I have a great team around me. I love my wee flat. I am a very fortunate woman.
My boss asked me the other day what was next for Louise.
I said Europe.
Isn't it funny how I have never lost that dream.
The dream of living somewhere in France
I wouldn't say no to London
or to Manchester
While I wait for that progression I have started to work on Louise too
I have started swimming
I will have my driving licence by the end of the year
I am currently walking 5 miles 5 times a week
The more I exercise the clearer my thoughts become.
While I love Scotland from the bottom of my heart
I think that a farther land my take its hold.
A land without kilts and bearded men (quelle horreur!)
32 was a great year.
Let's see where 33 takes me!