Skip to main content

Moving on.

I realised something the other day.
That is not nearly specific enough or dramatic enough for this story.
Let me start again...

I had a startling realisation the other day.
I think Scotland and I are starting to go our separate ways (and I am not talking about Brexit)
I was in Glasgow a few weeks ago, and I went on a tourist bus tour.
I actually went on it twice, and I loved it.
I got to see all the attractions I have wanted to see over the years:
The Cathedral, the Necropolis, The Transport Museum, The People's Palace.
It was very similar to something I did just before I left Edinburgh, my own little way of saying goodbye. When I got on the train home, I realised that in my own wee way, I was saying goodbye to Glasgow. Other than a course there on the 11th of May, I have no idea when I am going to be there next.
I have no gigs booked, my upcoming flights to Ireland are all from Edinburgh. 
I feel rather sad that my attachment to Glasgow has severed. In my head it was where I would eventually call home. Now, I am not so certain.

This does not mean that I have resigned myself to a life in Aberdeen. Far from it.
I have started doing the same to Aberdeen. 
Image may contain: 1 person, standing, shoes and outdoorI have a list of things to do in the city, and over my past few days off I have been ticking things off that list. 
It is like I am subconsciously doing by Scotland bucket list. 
I have always said that if I were to leave Scotland, I would take a wee holiday first and go see Oban, Skye, Loch Lomond etc... (Imagine, I have never been to Loch Lomond!) 
I have already started working in when I can go to these places. The sooner I get myself on the road the better. 
I spoke to Claire about this turn of events.
As always, she had some wise words to say.
She feels that I have always had this ridiculous notion that the best version of Louise was the version who lived in Glasgow. As I have been kept away, I have been forced to just appreciate who I am, wherever I am as the best version of Louise. Does that make sense? It did in my head, and it did when Claire said it to me but I am not so sure that I have translated it into words correctly.
I think she is right.
I spoke to my adopted big brother Paul about it.
He reckons that I have already made up my mind.
That I have already decided that it is time to leave.
Maybe he is right. He does know me rather well.
A year ago today, I started all over again.
In the past year, I have made some amazing friends, I have dated more in the last year than I have in the three years before. I have rebuilt my confidence in the workplace. I have a great team around me. I love my wee flat. I am a very fortunate woman.
My boss asked me the other day what was next for Louise. 
I said Europe. 
Something French.
Isn't it funny how I have never lost that dream.
The dream of living somewhere in France
I wouldn't say no to London
or to Manchester
Image may contain: tree, sky, outdoor and natureor to anything that will allow me to continue to progress within this company.
While I wait for that progression I have started to work on Louise too
I have started swimming
I will have my driving licence by the end of the year
I am currently walking 5 miles 5 times a week 
The more I exercise the clearer my thoughts become.
While I love Scotland from the bottom of my heart
I think that a farther land my take its hold. 
A land without kilts and bearded men (quelle horreur!)

32 was a great year.
Let's see where 33 takes me!



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Ah November. You have returned.

I woke up this morning with a dullness in my heart that I normally don't have in the morning.
On my mornings allocated to sleep in I resemble a sloth blissfully unaware of life in a cocoon, but on a normal morning I wake up with a bit of a bounce. I start my day with a bit of shower time karaoke. I dance around the bedroom as I get dressed for the day. I have a great time. ( Jeez, as I write this I suddenly appreciate Stuart's morning patience a little bit more! Ha!)  Anyway, the point being, despite a very early bed time last night I woke up a wee bit deflated.

Then I remembered  that my old nemesis November has returned.
I did a quick calculation. Marguerite would be 32 next week.
32! Being 32 was one of my favourite times.
Another quick calculation, Marguerite will be gone 15 years this month. 15 years. 2 more years and she will be gone as long as she was with us.
Every November is a little bit easier than the last. Of course it is. Time is a wonderful healer.
But every cal…
Post a Comment
Read more

Missing Marguerite. 14 years later.

On this day, 14 years ago, the world lost a little bit of its magic, when at 11pm, my little sister took her final breath and life changed as we all knew it. She was only 17 years old. 17 years and 19 days to be exact. As I sat here today reading all the lovely messages written about her, my heart soared with pride in the fact that in her short time with us, she managed to have such a big impact on so many people. Marguerite Mary O'Dwyer, an ambassador for mischief, mockery and for having a marvellous time. I miss her so much.

It is funny how every year there is something different that I focus on for the anniversary. I never choose my train of thought, I think the year since the last anniversary chooses it for me. Last night, I got fairly plastered on wine and when my other half went to his bed, I sat and sang along to every sad song I could think of. I had a wee chat with Mags before I went to bed and woke up this morning well rested and ready to seize the day. 
I got quite sad a…
Post a Comment
Read more

2020

I have started this blog post four times now.
I think that is a new record for my procrastination.
I didn't do a New Year blog, and my previous versions of this were a look back on 2019.
I'll be very honest, I don't want to look back on 2019.
I want to put it in a box, and seal it away forever.

There were some fabulous moments. Of course there were! I got engaged to the most wonderful man I have ever known. I witnessed the weddings of some of my best friends. Babies were born. There was an abundance of soft play, cuddles and karaoke.

For me, 2019 will mostly remind me of being ill. It was a huge part of the year. The worry consumed me for the majority of the latter half. I now know more about hypertension, blood pressure, kidney function and kidney failure than I ever thought necessary.

It sucks being ill. It sucks knowing that you have an illness that will never go away. It doesn't feel fair. If I am very honest with myself I went into a little bit of a pity pit for a w…
Post a Comment
Read more