Skip to main content

Why dating sucks...

Dating is like marmite.
You either love it, or you hate it.
I have never liked marmite, and I am quickly learning that I have a distaste for dating also.
I recently buckled to peer pressure and set up a profile on a dating site.
I was getting many suggestions from my friends that I should 'put myself out there', 'dip my toe back in the water', etc. etc. etc...
I have had quite a varied experience.       
Some people have been fascinating
Others have been mundane
Others have just been odd.
There is a lot of uncertainty it seems in dating in your 30s
A lot of people have been hurt
A lot of people are disillusioned with the idea of a relationship
A lot of people (and I fall into this bracket) are not that bothered and are just there for the chat.
I have had some rather rude offers
I have had a picture of a poo sent to me with the caption 'Does this look right to you?'


Image result for dating ecardI have had many a debate about life, love, God, relationships.
I have had a lot of observations on my character.
I am very independent (as though it is a bad thing).
I am very opinionated (because I disagreed with a very racist comment)
I am very driven (by an unemployed person who felt I was wasting my life with my career)
You know what?
I am independent, and proud of it.
I am opinionated and proud of it.
I am very driven and proud of it.
There is an unfair belief in the dating world, that women in their 30s are desperate.
That we are panicked we are sitting on the proverbial shelf.
Balderdash.
I know I wrote a blog quite recently about why I will not 'settle'
I am not going to regurgitate it. You got the point the last time.
I don't understand the mentality that there is something wrong if you are not in a relationship.
The mentality that you cannot be happy if you are not in a relationship.
Give me an even playing field.
I am not special. I have many flaws.
If you want me to list them, well, you'll be reading for days.
In my 20s I struggled with those flaws.
I came into my 30s unexpectedly single, and a little bit broken.
I got over it.
I embrace who I am.
Get this, I even like who I am.
Actually, I even LOVE who I am.
This dating game is reinforcing how little I care what other people think of me.
It is reinforcing how high my expectations are for a relationship.
And trust me they are not that high.
They just seem to be lacking in a lot of people.
As odd as it might seem, I have five criteria for potential dates. 
1. Do they make me laugh?
2. Are they driven with some success in their chosen field? (moreso, if we were in a  committed relationship and something happened could they take are of me in the way that I would if the tables were turned)
3. Do they make me think?
4. Would I be happy to introduce them to my Granny?
5. Would I be happy to introduce them to Paddy? More importantly, would they still be around after meeting Paddy?

1, 3, and  5 are the most important. There is no bending on those ones,

I will continue with my online dating excursions, I will continue to be set up by my pals (but seriously guys.... pull yer feckin fingers out, will ye?
I think my pal Claire would be very upset if she didn't get the latest dating disaster from Lu.
But I won't apologise for who I am
Nor will I bend and bow to become the expectation placed on me by shows like sex in the city, and Bridget Jones.
I was introduced to the concept of love languages by a friend a year or so again. Again, I'm quite certain I blogged about it. My love language is quality time. I always make time for the people in my life. When it comes to this dating, and recently I've decided people in general, I am not going to beg anyone to want to spend time with me. I want people in my life who will make the effort to spend time with me. I am not going to chase. I am not going to beg. I am going to be Lu, and the rest is up to whoever stumbles across that profile of mine. 

Comments

  1. Repeatedly while reading I said "you go girl" and that's not something i ever say. But! Be true to you and keep loving you. All else will fall into place.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

12 years and counting....

It is that time of the year again, my sister's anniversary. 12 years since we bid her farewell.
Well, tomorrow is her anniversary but I am having a very lazy morning and as a result I am writing this today.

For the past 11 years, the entire month of November has been a struggle for me.
In the beginning it was a raw struggle. Every single day from the 10th (her birthday) to the 29th (her anniversary) was like a hot blade slicing through my heart.
I think it is because the loneliness of not having her with us to celebrate her birthday is intensified by the fact that her anniversary is so close, and there is an awareness and an emotional surge in the three weeks between that just lingers in my subconscious.
Now, I definitely do become very low for those three weeks, but it is much easier to bounce out of it as we approach the anniversary and I realise that my irrationality of the last three weeks was simply bottled up emotion from the remaining 49 weeks of the year.

This year was a t…

The day I got a little sister.

Last night, as I got the bus home from work, I got really choked up as the clock turned midnight. Perhaps because I'd been checking product dates all day, I was painfully aware of what date I was stepping into, or perhaps because I had just returned from a trip to Ireland I was painfully aware of it all. I don't know. It's not important.

When I went to bed last night, I started to think about my sister a little more. A lot more. I remember the day she was born. Isn't that weird? I was only 3 years old but I remember. Mam was on the phone from the hospital to Da, and he asked my brother and I if we wanted to speak to our mammy. Naturally we both jumped at the chance to say hi. Our telephone at the time was in the hallway and was a few feet from the ground, so my brother and I had to stand on a chair to speak into it. As the eldest I went first and gushed and oohed as I thought was appropriate. I hopped off my chair and gave the floor to my brother. I was unprepared for…

Let's talk about mental health

I must admit I am a little bit nervous about writing this blog today.
I am afraid that I will get a little too emotional when writing about a topic that is very close to my heart.
I will apologise now for if I ramble or get lost in a stream of consciousness. I hope you can make sense of what I am about to write.

This week, another life was lost to the tragedy that is suicide. I should correct myself, a famous life was lost to suicide. I have no doubt that this week, many families around the world are grieving and trying to figure out why one of their own has taken their own life.

The reason that I want to write this post is simply down to the number of horrible and ignorant comments that I have read on social media about Chester Bennington's death. For me, it highlighted the lack of understanding of mental health in this day and age.

I'm going to take you back on a wee journey with me and tell you why this is such a personal topic and why I feel that it needs to be spoken abou…