Sliding doors

This is going to be a weird blog post.
I can feel it in my bones.
Mostly because I am not entirely certain how to put across my point
even though I feel rather passionately about it!

I was chatting with my fabulous friend Tiffani earlier and we were having a good old catch up about our lives and loves (though in my case that was a very mute topic, and hers was Joe, not as much gossip as one might expect from a girlie chat!). As always it was a wonderful catch up. I truly love that girl.

After our indulgence in Whatsapp, I flicked through the TV channels and I found the film 'Sliding Doors'. It is a cheesy film, not the kind of movie I normally go for but for some reason I love it. Simply love it. For those of you unfamiliar with the film, it alternates between two parallel universes following the life of the protagonist Helen (Gwyneth Paltrow). The split shows her life if she a) catches a train or b) misses a train.

On the back of my conversation with Tif, and the film, I have decided to have a look at my life in Sliding Doors fashion. Mine isn't about trains (well, not really).  mine is about living in Aberdeen and living in Glasgow.
In the film, when Helen catches the train, she ends up arriving home to find her partner having an affair, in the one where she misses the train she stays with her partner only to find out much further into the film that he has made his mistress pregnant. Sorry. I should have said *spoiler*.

I think that had I moved to Glasgow 6 weeks ago, I would have been Helen who missed the train. Content with what I had but limited by where it was going. Staying in Aberdeen I am Helen who got the train. A whole new world has opened up to me. A whole new world. I need to let go to the things that are tying me to the limited world Helen. Ugh. I can see, even when I write it that it doesn't make sense. To me it  makes a lot of sense, to you I must sound insane (except for Tif, who I spoke with about this earlier!)

The point of all this, is that I am tired of being the go-to person. I am tired of being Miss Dependable. I want excitement. I want adventure. I want to be adored. I want to be loved. I don't think this could have happened to Glasgow Lu.There would be too much blocking Glasgow Lu. I think it is a possibility with Aberdeen Lu. She is a fiery one indeed.

I have said for a few years that I feel 'being 32' is my year. I am three months in and it hasn't let me down. I have a new job which I love, I have a new flat just for me which I love. I have managed to see my family more than ever before. I get to hear and see the Mormon Tabernacle Choir for the 2nd time this year this month even though two years ago it was just a distant dream. There is just so much happening. I can't wait to see what the next nine months has to throw at me. I do think that I need to do like 'caught the train' Helen in Sliding Doors, I need to be a bit selfish. I need to look at some of the people in my life and decide, despite how attached I am to them, if our friendships are mutually beneficial or as Tiffani put it earlier, are they dangerous emotionally.

The idea scares me senseless.
But I think it might be very liberating.
I know that it is the right thing to do.
I will be pleasant.
I will be kind
but mostly, I will be doing what is best for Lu
And, for this, I truly am sorry.