Skip to main content

Sliding doors

This is going to be a weird blog post.
I can feel it in my bones.
Mostly because I am not entirely certain how to put across my point
even though I feel rather passionately about it!

I was chatting with my fabulous friend Tiffani earlier and we were having a good old catch up about our lives and loves (though in my case that was a very mute topic, and hers was Joe, not as much gossip as one might expect from a girlie chat!). As always it was a wonderful catch up. I truly love that girl.

After our indulgence in Whatsapp, I flicked through the TV channels and I found the film 'Sliding Doors'. It is a cheesy film, not the kind of movie I normally go for but for some reason I love it. Simply love it. For those of you unfamiliar with the film, it alternates between two parallel universes following the life of the protagonist Helen (Gwyneth Paltrow). The split shows her life if she a) catches a train or b) misses a train.

On the back of my conversation with Tif, and the film, I have decided to have a look at my life in Sliding Doors fashion. Mine isn't about trains (well, not really).  mine is about living in Aberdeen and living in Glasgow.
In the film, when Helen catches the train, she ends up arriving home to find her partner having an affair, in the one where she misses the train she stays with her partner only to find out much further into the film that he has made his mistress pregnant. Sorry. I should have said *spoiler*.

I think that had I moved to Glasgow 6 weeks ago, I would have been Helen who missed the train. Content with what I had but limited by where it was going. Staying in Aberdeen I am Helen who got the train. A whole new world has opened up to me. A whole new world. I need to let go to the things that are tying me to the limited world Helen. Ugh. I can see, even when I write it that it doesn't make sense. To me it  makes a lot of sense, to you I must sound insane (except for Tif, who I spoke with about this earlier!)

The point of all this, is that I am tired of being the go-to person. I am tired of being Miss Dependable. I want excitement. I want adventure. I want to be adored. I want to be loved. I don't think this could have happened to Glasgow Lu.There would be too much blocking Glasgow Lu. I think it is a possibility with Aberdeen Lu. She is a fiery one indeed.

I have said for a few years that I feel 'being 32' is my year. I am three months in and it hasn't let me down. I have a new job which I love, I have a new flat just for me which I love. I have managed to see my family more than ever before. I get to hear and see the Mormon Tabernacle Choir for the 2nd time this year this month even though two years ago it was just a distant dream. There is just so much happening. I can't wait to see what the next nine months has to throw at me. I do think that I need to do like 'caught the train' Helen in Sliding Doors, I need to be a bit selfish. I need to look at some of the people in my life and decide, despite how attached I am to them, if our friendships are mutually beneficial or as Tiffani put it earlier, are they dangerous emotionally.

The idea scares me senseless.
But I think it might be very liberating.
I know that it is the right thing to do.
I will be pleasant.
I will be kind
but mostly, I will be doing what is best for Lu
And, for this, I truly am sorry.




Comments

  1. I love you a lot and I also like that movie :) I am thankful for our friendship. ❤️

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turning 28.

Well. It happened. I turned 28. You know, ignoring a manic depression which lasted all of 20 minutes, I'm pretty ok with it. Rather than shy away from the fact that 30 is just around the corner, I've decided to confront it. Head on. "How?" I hear you ask. Well I have decided to celebrate the final years of being a twenty-something by embarking on a '30 things to do before I'm 30' challenge. I've been working on it for weeks. My friends here in Edinburgh have been really encouraging and I think together we have compiled a pretty mega list. Here we go (in no particular order) 1)Read the BBC top 100 books 2)Bungee jump (I should mention here I'm afraid of heights) 3)Go zorbing 4)Learn a new language 5)Visit the Sistine Chapel 6)Make a quilt (I've always wanted to. I blame Winona Ryder) 7)Visit Tiffani in Utah 8)Parachute Jump with Agata 9)Raise money for charity 10)Do the Great Scottish Run (ugh. The idea pains me.) 11)Sell something

Life of Lu 7/6/2012

I love Edinburgh. I think you should know. I love it truly. Every day I feel more settled. Every week I feel new friendships grow deeper. I really am content. So content that I sing. Poorly. I should apologise for that. I really like my new job. Sometimes I feel my head may explode with information. Then it digests and I feel capable again. It is nice to use my brain again. It does help that I have wonderful colleagues. They make it easy to love the job. I will be working with them for at least 7 more weeks. Then I finish my training. After that... who knows? Euro 2012 fever has taken over our wee flat. It bores me terribly but the boy loves it, so I pretend. I pretend quite well. I predict Russia to win. He reckons Portugal. I hope I win! I have a new cousin! And one on the way. I wish I could meet them soober than October. Hurry up October! I should mention that we're popping over in October. Pints? Anyone? Lastly, I received an amazing gift at the we

2020

I have started this blog post four times now. I think that is a new record for my procrastination. I didn't do a New Year blog, and my previous versions of this were a look back on 2019. I'll be very honest, I don't want to look back on 2019. I want to put it in a box, and seal it away forever. There were some fabulous moments. Of course there were! I got engaged to the most wonderful man I have ever known. I witnessed the weddings of some of my best friends. Babies were born. There was an abundance of soft play, cuddles and karaoke. For me, 2019 will mostly remind me of being ill. It was a huge part of the year. The worry consumed me for the majority of the latter half. I now know more about hypertension, blood pressure, kidney function and kidney failure than I ever thought necessary. It sucks being ill. It sucks knowing that you have an illness that will never go away. It doesn't feel fair. If I am very honest with myself I went into a little bit of a pit