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Why I won't 'Settle'

I spent last weekend in Ireland.
It was a last minute idea I had, created from a pang of loneliness for my dad and my granny.
It was also an urge brought on by a need for a break and a bit of craic, Irish style.
Oh what a weekend I had!
I saw so many friends I hadn't seen in ages,
I got to see little cousins who are just spurting like sprouts into fully formed children rather than the babies that I like to think they are,
and I got to see my dad, and my grandmother which was the whole point of my visit.

As is expected, I got the usual grilling about my life.
Am I dating?
Am I going to mass?
Am I happy in my new job?
The general consensus is that my love life is a disaster (I could have told you that!)
That I am a very naughty girl for not going to mass
and that I look the best I have in a long time and isn't it great that I am enjoying the job so much.



I was thinking about the dating thing since I came back.
Not much, I mean there is househunting happening, Ireland matches to watch and what not
But in the quiet moments when I have very little to puzzle about the whole conversation popped into my head.
I began to wonder if it is normal to be as content in my own company as I am.
I am very career driven.
I genuinely plan world domination. Well, in the retail sector,
Every working day I see myself getting closer to that goal.
Does that fit in to the whole 2.4 children malarky?
I'm not so sure.
I guess the whole 'not being able to have kids without the help of modern medicine' has curbed the urgency I felt in my younger days to settle down.
And I have issue with the phrase itself  'settle'
I don't want to settle.
I want it all
and I think I deserve it all.
The last few months have highlighted that to me.

It is a big ask, isn't it.
Wanting it all.
Bizarrely, as much as I love a beard, looks aren't what I incorporate into it all.
Height yes, but looks no.
Why height? Because I love nothing more than a bear hug.
I love how protected a good bear hug makes me feel.
I don't need protection, I am big and bold enough to take care of myself,
but I do yearn for those hugs occasionally
So I want a tall man.
I want laughter.
Laughter is one of the most important things in life.
It cures even the saddest moment.
I laugh every day, at myself, at situations, and the ridiculousness that is life.
I want someone who will join in the joke.
I don't think that is a big ask.
Music is so important to me.
I want to twirl.
I want someone who will twirl with me.
I don't mean that I need Michael Flatley, or Gene Kelly.
I want someone who, when I am twirling in my living room, will join in and twirl with me.
Embrace what I love and do it with me.
I want someone who genuinely wants me.
As I am
Lumps, bumps, embarrassing moments, delightful moments.
Someone who can see past the bloatedness but will smile and encourage me on my slimming world journey. Not because it is vital for them that I lose weight but because they can see how much happier I am every time I lose a pound.
I think Marilyn Monroe got it so right when she said if you can't take me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best.

I want someone as ambitious as me.
Someone who understands my want, my need to succeed.
My need to prove to myself that I am doing myself and my dad proud.
I want someone to brave enough to tell me to reel myself in and step back in to line
I want someone sincere enough to tell me I am beautiful and maybe even believe them.
Again, I don't think that any of that is a big ask.
You might read this, and think 'Crikey Lu!'
I get why you might.
But I won't settle.
And here is why.
When I meet someone who is right,
I will make them my co-number 1.
I will love them and adore them
I will support them, and sometimes try to talk common sense into them
I will celebrate successes and hug away the not so successful days.
I will listen, without judgement when they need me to talk
I will be loyal
l will be the best person I can be for them and for me.
So that they never feel that they have had to settle either.

I have made some foolish mistakes over the past few years.
Gotten too attached to the wrong people
Given them too much of me with very little in return.
I have held off on relationships for fear of damaging cherished friendships.
Sometimes the fear has been just a convenient excuse.



Being 32 is as I predicted in April,
It is the year of Lu.
So far the experience of 32 has been superb.
Will I be devastated if Mr. Right isn't beside me when I face in to 33.
No, not really.
If such an Adonis exists, then I am happy to wait for our paths to cross.
So, while I have come back from Ireland wondering about these things,
I type this quite contently.

I will never 'settle'
I will wait, until I meet someone who deserves me
and more importantly, someone I deserve.

Oh, on a side note, it would also be great if he liked ducks.
I feckin love going to the park to see the ducks.
It is what I try to do every Christmas day before dinner.
But then, finding such a man would be like finding a nugget of gold in the wild wild west.
Possible, but improbable.

On that happy note, my friends.
Good night.


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