Skip to main content

Why I won't 'Settle'

I spent last weekend in Ireland.
It was a last minute idea I had, created from a pang of loneliness for my dad and my granny.
It was also an urge brought on by a need for a break and a bit of craic, Irish style.
Oh what a weekend I had!
I saw so many friends I hadn't seen in ages,
I got to see little cousins who are just spurting like sprouts into fully formed children rather than the babies that I like to think they are,
and I got to see my dad, and my grandmother which was the whole point of my visit.

As is expected, I got the usual grilling about my life.
Am I dating?
Am I going to mass?
Am I happy in my new job?
The general consensus is that my love life is a disaster (I could have told you that!)
That I am a very naughty girl for not going to mass
and that I look the best I have in a long time and isn't it great that I am enjoying the job so much.



I was thinking about the dating thing since I came back.
Not much, I mean there is househunting happening, Ireland matches to watch and what not
But in the quiet moments when I have very little to puzzle about the whole conversation popped into my head.
I began to wonder if it is normal to be as content in my own company as I am.
I am very career driven.
I genuinely plan world domination. Well, in the retail sector,
Every working day I see myself getting closer to that goal.
Does that fit in to the whole 2.4 children malarky?
I'm not so sure.
I guess the whole 'not being able to have kids without the help of modern medicine' has curbed the urgency I felt in my younger days to settle down.
And I have issue with the phrase itself  'settle'
I don't want to settle.
I want it all
and I think I deserve it all.
The last few months have highlighted that to me.

It is a big ask, isn't it.
Wanting it all.
Bizarrely, as much as I love a beard, looks aren't what I incorporate into it all.
Height yes, but looks no.
Why height? Because I love nothing more than a bear hug.
I love how protected a good bear hug makes me feel.
I don't need protection, I am big and bold enough to take care of myself,
but I do yearn for those hugs occasionally
So I want a tall man.
I want laughter.
Laughter is one of the most important things in life.
It cures even the saddest moment.
I laugh every day, at myself, at situations, and the ridiculousness that is life.
I want someone who will join in the joke.
I don't think that is a big ask.
Music is so important to me.
I want to twirl.
I want someone who will twirl with me.
I don't mean that I need Michael Flatley, or Gene Kelly.
I want someone who, when I am twirling in my living room, will join in and twirl with me.
Embrace what I love and do it with me.
I want someone who genuinely wants me.
As I am
Lumps, bumps, embarrassing moments, delightful moments.
Someone who can see past the bloatedness but will smile and encourage me on my slimming world journey. Not because it is vital for them that I lose weight but because they can see how much happier I am every time I lose a pound.
I think Marilyn Monroe got it so right when she said if you can't take me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best.

I want someone as ambitious as me.
Someone who understands my want, my need to succeed.
My need to prove to myself that I am doing myself and my dad proud.
I want someone to brave enough to tell me to reel myself in and step back in to line
I want someone sincere enough to tell me I am beautiful and maybe even believe them.
Again, I don't think that any of that is a big ask.
You might read this, and think 'Crikey Lu!'
I get why you might.
But I won't settle.
And here is why.
When I meet someone who is right,
I will make them my co-number 1.
I will love them and adore them
I will support them, and sometimes try to talk common sense into them
I will celebrate successes and hug away the not so successful days.
I will listen, without judgement when they need me to talk
I will be loyal
l will be the best person I can be for them and for me.
So that they never feel that they have had to settle either.

I have made some foolish mistakes over the past few years.
Gotten too attached to the wrong people
Given them too much of me with very little in return.
I have held off on relationships for fear of damaging cherished friendships.
Sometimes the fear has been just a convenient excuse.



Being 32 is as I predicted in April,
It is the year of Lu.
So far the experience of 32 has been superb.
Will I be devastated if Mr. Right isn't beside me when I face in to 33.
No, not really.
If such an Adonis exists, then I am happy to wait for our paths to cross.
So, while I have come back from Ireland wondering about these things,
I type this quite contently.

I will never 'settle'
I will wait, until I meet someone who deserves me
and more importantly, someone I deserve.

Oh, on a side note, it would also be great if he liked ducks.
I feckin love going to the park to see the ducks.
It is what I try to do every Christmas day before dinner.
But then, finding such a man would be like finding a nugget of gold in the wild wild west.
Possible, but improbable.

On that happy note, my friends.
Good night.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Turning 28.

Well. It happened. I turned 28. You know, ignoring a manic depression which lasted all of 20 minutes, I'm pretty ok with it. Rather than shy away from the fact that 30 is just around the corner, I've decided to confront it. Head on. "How?" I hear you ask. Well I have decided to celebrate the final years of being a twenty-something by embarking on a '30 things to do before I'm 30' challenge. I've been working on it for weeks. My friends here in Edinburgh have been really encouraging and I think together we have compiled a pretty mega list. Here we go (in no particular order) 1)Read the BBC top 100 books 2)Bungee jump (I should mention here I'm afraid of heights) 3)Go zorbing 4)Learn a new language 5)Visit the Sistine Chapel 6)Make a quilt (I've always wanted to. I blame Winona Ryder) 7)Visit Tiffani in Utah 8)Parachute Jump with Agata 9)Raise money for charity 10)Do the Great Scottish Run (ugh. The idea pains me.) 11)Sell something

Life of Lu 7/6/2012

I love Edinburgh. I think you should know. I love it truly. Every day I feel more settled. Every week I feel new friendships grow deeper. I really am content. So content that I sing. Poorly. I should apologise for that. I really like my new job. Sometimes I feel my head may explode with information. Then it digests and I feel capable again. It is nice to use my brain again. It does help that I have wonderful colleagues. They make it easy to love the job. I will be working with them for at least 7 more weeks. Then I finish my training. After that... who knows? Euro 2012 fever has taken over our wee flat. It bores me terribly but the boy loves it, so I pretend. I pretend quite well. I predict Russia to win. He reckons Portugal. I hope I win! I have a new cousin! And one on the way. I wish I could meet them soober than October. Hurry up October! I should mention that we're popping over in October. Pints? Anyone? Lastly, I received an amazing gift at the we

January

I found out yesterday that I was one of the winners of the photography competition that I entered as one of my 30 before 30. My photograph will now be used in a calender as the January image. How exciting! What do you think?