Il y a beaucoup de fleurs....

I went on an adventure today.
I actually just went for a walk but I ended up walking more than anticipated and my calculations are that I covered 14km.
I'm now freckled and sore but full of the joys of life.

As I walked in the sunshine, my mind wandered.
Strangely it wandered on to my sister quite a bit.
Hence, the title of this blog.
My sister always said 'Il y a beaucoup de fleurs' (there are a lot of flowers)
and today, there were flowers EVERYWHERE
So many colours, so many scents.
We are told so many times to remember to smell the roses.
Today, spring just took over my nostrils.
My senses in reality.
The grass was warm,
dogs were splashing about in the river chasing sticks,
Wild flowers were bursting with colour
The sun was sparkling on the water

And a peculiar sweetness lingered in the air.
It was a beautiful day to be outside.

Anyway, back to my point about Marguerite.
I have seeing cherry blossoms everywhere which I always associate with her.
Today, they were speckled everywhere.
I don't know if it is that I am actively looking for them right now,

Or if I have just been blinkered to the world around me until quite recently
but I find it comforting that she is popping in to my thoughts so much.
It has been a long time since that has happened.
I find myself smiling at memories,
just thinking about her
remembering her fabulous sense of humour
and her love of that one french sentence.

Overall, the last few days I have felt my mood change.
I am so full of hope for the future.
So excited about the road I am about to travel.

Today, as I walked I wondered about what we would be talking about if she were still here.
I imagined how excited I would be to tell her about my new job
About my plans for a deposit for a flat
My plans for me for the next 12 weeks (watch this space)
I smiled so much at the thought.
Then I realised something rather huge for me.
I realised that the last time I have felt this content with life and this excited about the unknown was when I was backpacking around Europe in 2007
Don't get me wrong, there have been many moments of being content and excited since 2007, but this feeling that I have in my gut and in my heart reminds me of that feeling then.

The feeling of self sufficiency
The feeling of independence
The feeling that the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders.
And I rather like it.

Roll on Summer 2016!
May the adventures and the voyages of discovery continue!

Comments

Ah November. You have returned.

I woke up this morning with a dullness in my heart that I normally don't have in the morning.
On my mornings allocated to sleep in I resemble a sloth blissfully unaware of life in a cocoon, but on a normal morning I wake up with a bit of a bounce. I start my day with a bit of shower time karaoke. I dance around the bedroom as I get dressed for the day. I have a great time. ( Jeez, as I write this I suddenly appreciate Stuart's morning patience a little bit more! Ha!) Anyway, the point being, despite a very early bed time last night I woke up a wee bit deflated.

Then I remembered that my old nemesis November has returned.
I did a quick calculation. Marguerite would be 32 next week.
32! Being 32 was one of my favourite times.
Another quick calculation, Marguerite will be gone 15 years this month. 15 years. 2 more years and she will be gone as long as she was with us.
Every November is a little bit easier than the last. Of course it is. Time is a wonderful healer.
But every cal…

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Well. It happened. I turned 28. You know, ignoring a manic depression which lasted all of 20 minutes, I'm pretty ok with it. Rather than shy away from the fact that 30 is just around the corner, I've decided to confront it. Head on. "How?" I hear you ask. Well I have decided to celebrate the final years of being a twenty-something by embarking on a '30 things to do before I'm 30' challenge. I've been working on it for weeks. My friends here in Edinburgh have been really encouraging and I think together we have compiled a pretty mega list. Here we go (in no particular order)
1)Read the BBC top 100 books
2)Bungee jump (I should mention here I'm afraid of heights)
3)Go zorbing
4)Learn a new language
5)Visit the Sistine Chapel
6)Make a quilt (I've always wanted to. I blame Winona Ryder)
7)Visit Tiffani in Utah
8)Parachute Jump with Agata

9)Raise money for charity
10)Do the Great Scottish Run (ugh. The idea pains me.)
11)Sell something I've created
12) Publish somet…

2020

I have started this blog post four times now.
I think that is a new record for my procrastination.
I didn't do a New Year blog, and my previous versions of this were a look back on 2019.
I'll be very honest, I don't want to look back on 2019.
I want to put it in a box, and seal it away forever.

There were some fabulous moments. Of course there were! I got engaged to the most wonderful man I have ever known. I witnessed the weddings of some of my best friends. Babies were born. There was an abundance of soft play, cuddles and karaoke.

For me, 2019 will mostly remind me of being ill. It was a huge part of the year. The worry consumed me for the majority of the latter half. I now know more about hypertension, blood pressure, kidney function and kidney failure than I ever thought necessary.

It sucks being ill. It sucks knowing that you have an illness that will never go away. It doesn't feel fair. If I am very honest with myself I went into a little bit of a pity pit for a w…

Life of Lu

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