Happy birthday, little sister.

28 years ago, a little three and a half year old girls dreams came through.

She was given a little sister, a human doll for want of a better description.

It is very important work you know, being a big sister,

and this three year old took her role very seriously indeed.

As two sisters go, they couldn't have looked more different.

One was a fiery blue-eyed ginger with freckles galore.

The other was a sallow, brown eyed brunette.

But despite their differences they were sisters.

Close sisters.

There were similarities...

Both could be rather silly at times.

They both obsessed over 'The Sound of Music'.

They both loved a practical joke and a good giggle.

Both loved cats.

Over the years, there were dramatics.

Like when the younger sister and her friend ate all the elder sisters easter eggs, and blamed the elder sister, despite a chocolate trail of truth.

Or that time when the younger sibling disapproved of the elder siblings make up, and told her that just because she lived on the docks she did not have to look like a hooker!

But they were sisters.

They secretly loved each other, foibles and all.

They dressed up...

They picked on their brother...

And their aunts...

It really was the best gift a three and a half year old could have been given.

Her own baby sister.

Unfortunately, the gift wasn't to last forever.

It lasted 17 years and 19 days.

When the elder sister lost her little sister broke her heart.

It destroyed her spirit.

It made her hate a world which could give so much and take it away so cruelly.

Then she learnt a very important lesson.

Life is about quality, not quantity.

While it would have been wonderful to have her little sister around for much longer,

Those 17 years were 17 wonderful years.

They were full of love.

Laughter.

Tears

Hair pulling

Giggling

Gossiping

Name calling

The occasional kick to the shins.

The odd snowball fight

17 years is a long time.

17 years was for the little sister a lifetime.

For years the elder sister hated November.

Hated that it symbolised what was given and then taken.

Now, she celebrates it.

Celebrates the day that she was given the best gift any child has ever been given.

The day she was given her own baby sister.

Thank you for 17 years and 19 days of knowing you.

Little Sister

I have one question on my mind
that has lingered there for years.
The answer is one that I'll never find
and thats the reason for my tears.
Why did He take you Marguerite?
Why couldn't You have stayed?
I hear your laughter- it sounds so sweet-
however I am afraid.
I'm afraid someday I'll forget your smile
or that your memory will disappear.
I know that that would take a while
but I will always live in fear.
I'll always love you little sister
I hope you know just how much I've missed you.

Comments

Ah November. You have returned.

I woke up this morning with a dullness in my heart that I normally don't have in the morning.
On my mornings allocated to sleep in I resemble a sloth blissfully unaware of life in a cocoon, but on a normal morning I wake up with a bit of a bounce. I start my day with a bit of shower time karaoke. I dance around the bedroom as I get dressed for the day. I have a great time. ( Jeez, as I write this I suddenly appreciate Stuart's morning patience a little bit more! Ha!) Anyway, the point being, despite a very early bed time last night I woke up a wee bit deflated.

Then I remembered that my old nemesis November has returned.
I did a quick calculation. Marguerite would be 32 next week.
32! Being 32 was one of my favourite times.
Another quick calculation, Marguerite will be gone 15 years this month. 15 years. 2 more years and she will be gone as long as she was with us.
Every November is a little bit easier than the last. Of course it is. Time is a wonderful healer.
But every cal…

Turning 28.

Well. It happened. I turned 28. You know, ignoring a manic depression which lasted all of 20 minutes, I'm pretty ok with it. Rather than shy away from the fact that 30 is just around the corner, I've decided to confront it. Head on. "How?" I hear you ask. Well I have decided to celebrate the final years of being a twenty-something by embarking on a '30 things to do before I'm 30' challenge. I've been working on it for weeks. My friends here in Edinburgh have been really encouraging and I think together we have compiled a pretty mega list. Here we go (in no particular order)
1)Read the BBC top 100 books
2)Bungee jump (I should mention here I'm afraid of heights)
3)Go zorbing
4)Learn a new language
5)Visit the Sistine Chapel
6)Make a quilt (I've always wanted to. I blame Winona Ryder)
7)Visit Tiffani in Utah
8)Parachute Jump with Agata

9)Raise money for charity
10)Do the Great Scottish Run (ugh. The idea pains me.)
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2020

I have started this blog post four times now.
I think that is a new record for my procrastination.
I didn't do a New Year blog, and my previous versions of this were a look back on 2019.
I'll be very honest, I don't want to look back on 2019.
I want to put it in a box, and seal it away forever.

There were some fabulous moments. Of course there were! I got engaged to the most wonderful man I have ever known. I witnessed the weddings of some of my best friends. Babies were born. There was an abundance of soft play, cuddles and karaoke.

For me, 2019 will mostly remind me of being ill. It was a huge part of the year. The worry consumed me for the majority of the latter half. I now know more about hypertension, blood pressure, kidney function and kidney failure than I ever thought necessary.

It sucks being ill. It sucks knowing that you have an illness that will never go away. It doesn't feel fair. If I am very honest with myself I went into a little bit of a pity pit for a w…

Life of Lu

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