A fresh start... how exciting!!

I have had a feeling for a wee while that I need a fresh start.

It is a romantic notion, the idea that we can run away from our sins of the past and start a new, blemish free existence. Alas, it is not a feasible notion unless you decide to cut off contact from everyone that you love and adore. That is not a decision I could ever make. I have too many wonderful people in my life. Blemishes and all, I am starting afresh.

I have been thinking, quite sternly about my life and where I am and where I want to be.

While there are many things that I have achieved that I am deeply proud of, there are also many things that I have done that I am ashamed and embarrassed about.

I think perhaps this move to Aberdeen happened for a reason.

Despite a howler of a first night in the Deen,

I don't want to have that lifestyle any more.

Perhaps Glasgow would have been the wrong place for me right now.

Personally, rather than professionally.

Very dramatic, isn't it?

I'm 31. I'm not old but I'm not particularly young either.

I spoke previously about the grand plan of 34.

Well, now is the time to get those plans in gear.

Cop on to myself

Take care of myself

Have my wits about me

Learn to let go of the past and focus on the future. MY future.

None of us know what the future holds, but my gut instinct tells me that my detour to Aberdeen is going to be more life changing more than I can possibly imagine.

All I can say, is watch this space. Interesting things always happen on the road less travelled...

Comments

Ah November. You have returned.

I woke up this morning with a dullness in my heart that I normally don't have in the morning.
On my mornings allocated to sleep in I resemble a sloth blissfully unaware of life in a cocoon, but on a normal morning I wake up with a bit of a bounce. I start my day with a bit of shower time karaoke. I dance around the bedroom as I get dressed for the day. I have a great time. ( Jeez, as I write this I suddenly appreciate Stuart's morning patience a little bit more! Ha!) Anyway, the point being, despite a very early bed time last night I woke up a wee bit deflated.

Then I remembered that my old nemesis November has returned.
I did a quick calculation. Marguerite would be 32 next week.
32! Being 32 was one of my favourite times.
Another quick calculation, Marguerite will be gone 15 years this month. 15 years. 2 more years and she will be gone as long as she was with us.
Every November is a little bit easier than the last. Of course it is. Time is a wonderful healer.
But every cal…

Turning 28.

Well. It happened. I turned 28. You know, ignoring a manic depression which lasted all of 20 minutes, I'm pretty ok with it. Rather than shy away from the fact that 30 is just around the corner, I've decided to confront it. Head on. "How?" I hear you ask. Well I have decided to celebrate the final years of being a twenty-something by embarking on a '30 things to do before I'm 30' challenge. I've been working on it for weeks. My friends here in Edinburgh have been really encouraging and I think together we have compiled a pretty mega list. Here we go (in no particular order)
1)Read the BBC top 100 books
2)Bungee jump (I should mention here I'm afraid of heights)
3)Go zorbing
4)Learn a new language
5)Visit the Sistine Chapel
6)Make a quilt (I've always wanted to. I blame Winona Ryder)
7)Visit Tiffani in Utah
8)Parachute Jump with Agata

9)Raise money for charity
10)Do the Great Scottish Run (ugh. The idea pains me.)
11)Sell something I've created
12) Publish somet…

2020

I have started this blog post four times now.
I think that is a new record for my procrastination.
I didn't do a New Year blog, and my previous versions of this were a look back on 2019.
I'll be very honest, I don't want to look back on 2019.
I want to put it in a box, and seal it away forever.

There were some fabulous moments. Of course there were! I got engaged to the most wonderful man I have ever known. I witnessed the weddings of some of my best friends. Babies were born. There was an abundance of soft play, cuddles and karaoke.

For me, 2019 will mostly remind me of being ill. It was a huge part of the year. The worry consumed me for the majority of the latter half. I now know more about hypertension, blood pressure, kidney function and kidney failure than I ever thought necessary.

It sucks being ill. It sucks knowing that you have an illness that will never go away. It doesn't feel fair. If I am very honest with myself I went into a little bit of a pity pit for a w…

Life of Lu

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