Skip to main content

My favourite number is 34

Life is a funny wee thing really isn't it.
Forrest Gump said it perfectly with his mamma's 'Life is like a box of chocolates' analogy.
Sometimes, we make decisions that make sense.
They just do.
They can be about our careers, our location, our love life, our physical being, our spiritual being.
There is a plethora of decisions that we make daily, weekly and monthly that will impact us for years.
Then sometimes, just sometimes, you think you have made a decision that is perfect.
It makes sense.
It is easy.
And then life gives you two fingers, says 'Hang on a second here, that isn't how we are going to do things', and all your planning goes topsy turvy.

Is it a bad thing when this happens?
Nah, I don't think so.
It makes you tenacious.
It makes you resilient.
It makes you realise that sometimes you just have to let life take control.
Stop thinking.
Stop over planning.
Just go with the flow.

I had a wee bit of a panic last week.
One of those 'post thirty' panics when you look at everyones lives through blinkers
and look at your own through a microscope. Looking at something that close up is never a good idea.

But then I remembered a very important number that my pal, Richard and I discussed at great length.
34.
And that number calmed me down.
The significance of the number isn't important. It was banter that just became a thing.
But I began thinking about when I turn 34.
It is three years away.
That is quite a while.

Three years ago, I was a team leader in training with the company I am working for.
I was in a relationship that didn't make me happy any more.
I was running away from a past that I didn't want to make my future.
I had no idea where I was going, I just knew where I didn't want to go.

Now, I still have no idea where I am going, but I know where I do want to go
I have progressed well with my employers
I am not in an unhappy relationship. I am not in any relationship. I am learning how to be the best Lou that I can be. And even though it gets lonesome, it is invigorating. There is twirling, laughter, friendships that I could never have dreamed of having three years ago. I need to spend more time with Lou. I need to get better at taking the time to be the best that I can be.
I no longer want to run away. I want to stand my ground, and grow from where I lay my roots.
Dare I say it, I want to maybe even settle down (and that above all else scares the crap out of me).

I won't lie. I was tempted to run back to my ex when times got tough, or the loneliness got too much. But then I remembered that things happen for a reason. You meet someone for a reason. That doesn't mean that they should be there forever. It means that you need to cherish them for when all was well, and wish them well when it is over. That is probably the toughest lesson I've had in the last three years.

But what a huge leap in three years. HUGE.
That is why 34 is such an amazing number.
If I can do what I have done in the past three years, going from such a low place to where I am now, what can I achieve in the next three years starting from a much higher ground?
Richard naughtily reminded me of that horrendous 'tick tock', but time fixes everything.
Sometimes we need to remember that we just have to give time, time.

So life, throw what you fancy in my direction.
Screw up my decisions with your cunning and your complexities.
It will only make me stronger, more determined and more tenacious.
And that will help make me the best Lou that I can be.
Challenge accepted.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Ah November. You have returned.

I woke up this morning with a dullness in my heart that I normally don't have in the morning.
On my mornings allocated to sleep in I resemble a sloth blissfully unaware of life in a cocoon, but on a normal morning I wake up with a bit of a bounce. I start my day with a bit of shower time karaoke. I dance around the bedroom as I get dressed for the day. I have a great time. ( Jeez, as I write this I suddenly appreciate Stuart's morning patience a little bit more! Ha!)  Anyway, the point being, despite a very early bed time last night I woke up a wee bit deflated.

Then I remembered  that my old nemesis November has returned.
I did a quick calculation. Marguerite would be 32 next week.
32! Being 32 was one of my favourite times.
Another quick calculation, Marguerite will be gone 15 years this month. 15 years. 2 more years and she will be gone as long as she was with us.
Every November is a little bit easier than the last. Of course it is. Time is a wonderful healer.
But every cal…

Turning 28.

Well. It happened. I turned 28. You know, ignoring a manic depression which lasted all of 20 minutes, I'm pretty ok with it. Rather than shy away from the fact that 30 is just around the corner, I've decided to confront it. Head on. "How?" I hear you ask. Well I have decided to celebrate the final years of being a twenty-something by embarking on a '30 things to do before I'm 30' challenge. I've been working on it for weeks. My friends here in Edinburgh have been really encouraging and I think together we have compiled a pretty mega list. Here we go (in no particular order)
1)Read the BBC top 100 books
2)Bungee jump (I should mention here I'm afraid of heights)
3)Go zorbing
4)Learn a new language
5)Visit the Sistine Chapel
6)Make a quilt (I've always wanted to. I blame Winona Ryder)
7)Visit Tiffani in Utah
8)Parachute Jump with Agata

9)Raise money for charity
10)Do the Great Scottish Run (ugh. The idea pains me.)
11)Sell something I've created
12) Publish somet…

2020

I have started this blog post four times now.
I think that is a new record for my procrastination.
I didn't do a New Year blog, and my previous versions of this were a look back on 2019.
I'll be very honest, I don't want to look back on 2019.
I want to put it in a box, and seal it away forever.

There were some fabulous moments. Of course there were! I got engaged to the most wonderful man I have ever known. I witnessed the weddings of some of my best friends. Babies were born. There was an abundance of soft play, cuddles and karaoke.

For me, 2019 will mostly remind me of being ill. It was a huge part of the year. The worry consumed me for the majority of the latter half. I now know more about hypertension, blood pressure, kidney function and kidney failure than I ever thought necessary.

It sucks being ill. It sucks knowing that you have an illness that will never go away. It doesn't feel fair. If I am very honest with myself I went into a little bit of a pity pit for a w…