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Sometimes life just sucks...

As a rule, I try to have an upbeat, positive outlook on life.
I try to share my optimism and love of pretty things with those who read my blog.
Sometimes though, sometimes even I struggle to see the prettiness of life.

Today, for the first time in a long time, I don't want to twirl.
I don't want to see anybody.
I don't want to talk to anybody.

Today, for the first time in a long time, I feel really lonesome.
I want a hug.
I want someone I can crawl under the duvet with who will then bribe me with tea to make me resurface.

How bloody dramatic huh?

Today, one of the most wonderful people in the world, shared some awful news with me.
I am not one to tell another person's stories so the content will remain with me,
but it broke my heart just a little bit.
Not because I don't think there can be a positive outcome.
I know there will be.
I know my friend, and I know that my friend won't let anything or anyone hold them back from living a wonderful life,
but my friend has a really, really tough time ahead.
And that breaks my heart.
It breaks my heart that I can't take the pain, fear and uncertainty away
It breaks my heart that I can't be there every step of the way to reassure my friend that everything will be ok. Because it will be. It has to be.

My boss always laughs at me because whenever there is a problem, I reply with what will be the silver lining in the cloud. You know what. I am so fed up of looking for silver linings.
I am so tired of the crap that life seems to want to shovel in my direction. It isn't even my crap so I end up feeling bad that I feel so bad about it. I should be the one supporting others and not feeling so sorry for myself.

I am so lucky that I have the friends that I do. They really are great and so supportive. But I am sick of having to go running to them about the latest upset in the life of Lu. It shouldn't be their role to pick up the pieces when my life gets tough. I shouldn't be so dependant on certain people. I feel really bad about that too as I put them in an awkward position.

Right now, I want to run away from it all. The temptation to pull my backpack out of the wardrobe and ignore the world and its problems has never been so great. It just seems that beyond every corner is something else unpleasant lurking, another tear ready to prickle my eye.

Who knows, perhaps I will fall in love again, like I did the last time I pulled out that backpack.
Evidently I really want that hug.

Now I really am being overly dramatic.

How hard is it to just have six months of twirling, maybe a kissing friend, definitely a hugging friend, maybe even a boyfriend, where everyone you love and care for is content and fine. Well, I know the answer. It is bloody impossible.

But who wants to be moaning myrtle. I've had my rant. Now for some positivity






And to my darling friend.
I love you and am always here for you.
No matter when you need me or why.
xxx


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