Skip to main content

Sometimes life just sucks...

As a rule, I try to have an upbeat, positive outlook on life.
I try to share my optimism and love of pretty things with those who read my blog.
Sometimes though, sometimes even I struggle to see the prettiness of life.

Today, for the first time in a long time, I don't want to twirl.
I don't want to see anybody.
I don't want to talk to anybody.

Today, for the first time in a long time, I feel really lonesome.
I want a hug.
I want someone I can crawl under the duvet with who will then bribe me with tea to make me resurface.

How bloody dramatic huh?

Today, one of the most wonderful people in the world, shared some awful news with me.
I am not one to tell another person's stories so the content will remain with me,
but it broke my heart just a little bit.
Not because I don't think there can be a positive outcome.
I know there will be.
I know my friend, and I know that my friend won't let anything or anyone hold them back from living a wonderful life,
but my friend has a really, really tough time ahead.
And that breaks my heart.
It breaks my heart that I can't take the pain, fear and uncertainty away
It breaks my heart that I can't be there every step of the way to reassure my friend that everything will be ok. Because it will be. It has to be.

My boss always laughs at me because whenever there is a problem, I reply with what will be the silver lining in the cloud. You know what. I am so fed up of looking for silver linings.
I am so tired of the crap that life seems to want to shovel in my direction. It isn't even my crap so I end up feeling bad that I feel so bad about it. I should be the one supporting others and not feeling so sorry for myself.

I am so lucky that I have the friends that I do. They really are great and so supportive. But I am sick of having to go running to them about the latest upset in the life of Lu. It shouldn't be their role to pick up the pieces when my life gets tough. I shouldn't be so dependant on certain people. I feel really bad about that too as I put them in an awkward position.

Right now, I want to run away from it all. The temptation to pull my backpack out of the wardrobe and ignore the world and its problems has never been so great. It just seems that beyond every corner is something else unpleasant lurking, another tear ready to prickle my eye.

Who knows, perhaps I will fall in love again, like I did the last time I pulled out that backpack.
Evidently I really want that hug.

Now I really am being overly dramatic.

How hard is it to just have six months of twirling, maybe a kissing friend, definitely a hugging friend, maybe even a boyfriend, where everyone you love and care for is content and fine. Well, I know the answer. It is bloody impossible.

But who wants to be moaning myrtle. I've had my rant. Now for some positivity






And to my darling friend.
I love you and am always here for you.
No matter when you need me or why.
xxx


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Missing Marguerite. 14 years later.

On this day, 14 years ago, the world lost a little bit of its magic, when at 11pm, my little sister took her final breath and life changed as we all knew it. She was only 17 years old. 17 years and 19 days to be exact. As I sat here today reading all the lovely messages written about her, my heart soared with pride in the fact that in her short time with us, she managed to have such a big impact on so many people. Marguerite Mary O'Dwyer, an ambassador for mischief, mockery and for having a marvellous time. I miss her so much.

It is funny how every year there is something different that I focus on for the anniversary. I never choose my train of thought, I think the year since the last anniversary chooses it for me. Last night, I got fairly plastered on wine and when my other half went to his bed, I sat and sang along to every sad song I could think of. I had a wee chat with Mags before I went to bed and woke up this morning well rested and ready to seize the day. 
I got quite sad a…

Day 2 - 20 facts about me

I always struggle with challenges such as these, where I have to give some facts about myself. Can I think of 20 things and if so will they be any good? Pressure! Well... here goes....

1. I love letters. Not bills and what not, I mean real, news filled letters. I have a handful of people whom I write to, and they write back in return. Alas, I am not very good at replying in a timely manner! I have had penpals since I was about 11 years old. Two of which were from Belarus. Their names were Tatiana and Irena. One of the highlights of their letters were the wee boxed stationery that they used to write on. I loved it so much.
2. I dislike sheep. Immensely.
3. I have 2 tattoos. One of a fairy, and one of a fox.
4. I love ducks and foxes. And Hairy Coos.
5. I think puns are severely underrated.
6. My favourite book is Jane Eyre.
7. My favourite author is more difficult... maybe Jasper Fforde... though the compilations of Irish tales by Sinead DeValera have a special place in my heart as do …

Day 3 - My favourite quote

This is a tough one because there are a number of quotes and phrases that I try to live my life by, or reflect upon. I am not sure if I have a favourite.
My life  mantra I picked up many years ago, but I don't know where it came from.
That is 'Fuck it or Fix it'.
I use it all the time. If I have a problem then fix it. If I can't fix it then fuck it. Move on.
That is sometimes easier said that done but it does help me out a lot sometimes.

I also really like a quote by Thomas Edison.
'I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that it won't work'.
It is a very comforting sentiment sometimes.

I read a book years ago called 'The Art of War' by Sun Tzu. I highly recommend it.
In that book he says 'The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting'.
I have always like that outlook.