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8 years and counting

I know most people hate Mondays.
Well, people who have weekends off hate Mondays. My weeks generally don't have a weekend so Monday and Friday are all the same to me.
But there is one Monday of the year that I hate. I mean hate with a passion. It is this one. It doesn't have a date, it is the Monday that corresponds with the Monday night my little sister died. This one is it.
I wasn't going to mention it.
I don't see the point generally.
I actually tend to do stuff on the Monday night to distract myself (tonight I am embarking on an overnight deep-clean of my store) but this one is different.
Why?
Because I have a cold, and have therefore been feeling sorry for myself all day.
Feeling sorry for myself has thus led to me thinking back 8 years ago and tutting at myself for feeling sorry for myself about a runny nose and a chesty cough.

Not many people can say, without shadow of a doubt, a date that changed their life forever. I can. I wish I couldn't, but I can. There are those who also say, that with every cloud there is a silver lining. They are of course correct. My silver lining is a wonderful relationship with my ideal boy (there is an amusing anecdote here that regular readers will get - I'm not THAT soppy).
I wonder to myself what would life be like if the outcome of that night had been different. What would I be doing now? What would she be doing now? What would we all be doing now? Would I be married? Would I have kids? Would I have the career I dreamt of as a child?
I know ways that I have changed because of that night : I'm more tolerant of people, less tolerant of moaners, I'm restless, unwilling to put all my eggs in one basket just in case I lose it all and probably the biggest difference is that I am not bothered by what people think of me. Not in the slightest. But I do wonder about it all.
Do you have a crossroad in your life where, to use the old cliché, you took a road less travelled, or perhaps you took the well-worn route and wonder 'what if?'.
The worst part is, we'll never know.
The big question is 'Do we really want to?'


Comments

  1. I think about that. ALL THE TIME. I always wonder how it would have been had I date the other boy who wanted to date me at the same time Joe did. Not because I want it, nor would I change a thing. But I wonder where I'd be. I'm sorry you've gone through something so life changing. I am confident you'll get to know your sister again someday. I'd bet my own life on it. Love you. xo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess it is human nature to wonder what if? Isn't it. I personally adore that you dated Joe. That was one of my favourite stages of our friendship to date. Listening to you swoon, and gush and fall head over heels in love. Tif and Joe. It just fits so well, doesn't it :)

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